Counting it down to Runaway Groom : Eight Redneckified Fixes

RELEASE DAY! Some Like It Royal is Here!
January 13, 2014
Counting it down to Runaway Groom : Seven Small Town Truths
January 15, 2014

Folks in my small town tend to make do quite a bit. Why go
out and buy something fancy when you can simply fix it with things you have
laying around?
That said, here are Eight Sure-Fire Fixes that I have tried
and love. 
8. Pepsicola will fix everything.

We don’t drink pop in my house, not usually. We do however
use it for quite a few things. Did you know that you can dump a can of pop in
your toilet and wait a bit and flush and it cleans it sparkly clean? Also great
for road haze, that waxy buildup on your windshield. You just dump a can on the
windshield during a good heavy rain and – bam! – All better.
7. If it’s loose, use some duct tape.
I’ve used duct tape for so many things, it is ridiculous. I
could give a list, but suffice to say…just duct tape it and it will be FINE.
6.  If it’s tight, use
some WD-40.

Named after the formula, Water Displacement 40 is handy for
almost as much as duct tape. Door squeakin? WD-40. Need to get that paint off
that thing? WD-40. Kid colored with crayon on your wall? WD-40.
5. If it is smelly, use a lemon.
My sons will just eat them raw because they’re weird, but my
first unusual use for a lemon was to pull off the peel and stick it in my flute
case to make it smell better. It worked, brilliantly, and can be used for all
musical instruments that I know of. You can use it to clean your cutting boards
or other wood implements in the kitchen. You can use it to chase off ants or
other creepy crawly critters. You can squirt it on apples or avocados to keep
them pretty. When you’re all done, you can settle down with a nice glass of lemonade. 
4. If there is a hole in it, fill it with toothpaste.

Don’t tell my old landlords that I filled nail holes with
toothpaste, but their walls are minty fresh and holeless and I tend to get my
deposits back for my pretty former homes…
3. Flowers like booze.

Dump some vodka in your cut flower vase, take a good swig
and then wait. You can drink some more if you want to while you wait, but they
should perk back up for a while anyway. Plus, they just look better after you
drank some vodka, don’t they?

2. EVERYTHING likes alcohol…
You can use rubbing alcohol to remove sharpie from non-porous,
unpainted things (like a fax machine. *whistles*) or you can squirt them with
hairspray to get it off. You can also use alcohol to clean mildew off your
leather. If it is a jacket, just wear it to a party where folks are sloshed and
they’ll dump stuff on you and you’ll be good as new…if smelly.
1. Get you some butt cream…

No, seriously, I learned this one back in
my days of modeling. Hemorrhoid cream removes redness. Just dab a bit on your
face if you have a zit or whatever. Another modeling trick was to tape things you didn’t want to fall out…like
your boobs to your shirt. Just sayin.
Are you from a small town? What shortcuts/fixes do you use?

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