Vampire Diaries Post Mortem – The Five

Show & Tell Wednesday: Liliana Hart & A Dirty Shame
October 31, 2012
Once Upon a Time Post Mortem – Tallahassee
November 5, 2012

And once again I am late
with my post mortem, but to be honest—this week it was because I didn’t think I
could type it without saying “I hate Stefan” every other line. But
boy, let me tell you—as much as I have not cared for Stefan in the past, the episode
“The Five” is really testing my last nerve with him.  Oh and as for Bonnie? She’s still dead to me
for what happened to Grams, but she still managed to irritate me in this
Let’s discuss…
Bluffy the Vampire Slayer’s Origins
So Connor has no idea
how he became a slayer—he was in the military (explains his bad ass fighting
technique and his no holds barred attitude) and someone died and voila, he got
the tattoo. I’m presuming he could see the tattoo on the other guy. Now—I want
to pause here to ruminate for some reason bringing up Iraq and Connor’s service
there and the other slayer adds a really nice layer of reality to our fantasy
in Mystic Falls. Damon fought in the Civil War and we can assume the boys were
in some way involved in later conflicts.
Now that said, I am not
Connor’s fan. The man gutted April to chum the waters in that very first
episode. This does not a hero make. This is a fanatic on a crusade. The fact
that Klaus kept him alive to learn more about “the cure” so he could
turn Elena back into a blood bag—yeah—not feeling the love.
And I’d like to go on
record right now and say that cure is probably another large bait and switch
ala the Curse of the Sun and the Moon. Speaking of which…
Five seconds of dialogue
with Elijah just reminded me of how much I miss my favorite original. Klaus and
Rebekah do not do it for me. Their arguments are old and petty. I get it, Klaus
has sabotaged Rebekah’s happiness and she’s allowed it and in turn sabotaged
his for over a thousand years. They are the ultimate in dysfunctional
I did feel bad for
Rebekah when Alexander daggered her and yes, I had a good laugh when Klaus
smiled that the daggers didn’t work on him—he woke and ripped all their hearts
out. We also found out how Finn ended up staying in a box for a nine hundred
years and where the Originals got the daggers in the first place.
Let’s Make a Deal
So Stefan pushes Klaus
to tell him about the Five and ends up striking a bargain to help Klaus solve
the riddle, find the clues and get to the cure so he and Elena can be human and
they can have kids and grow old together and die together—and yes, turn Elena
back into a blood bag so Klaus can make more hybrids.
I read somewhere that
someone applauded Stefan for thinking ahead, but me, I just see him thinking
like a douche. He hates what he is. He hates that Elena is a vampire. And he’s
making decisions without consulting her. He’s making plans with her life, her
future and tying them to a mad man who has proven TIME AND AGAIN that you
cannot trust him.
Yeah, I hate Stefan.
Murder Party
Meanwhile, Damon and
Elena tagged along on Bonnie’s trip to college. Damon shows Elena how to choose
a victim, because some people are just easier to manipulate than others. She
can compel them to forget and to not feel pain. She can feed and no harm no
foul.  Even when she refuses the first
target because she sees the picture of the little sister, Damon rolls with it
and looks for another way to hunt.
Murder Party at a frat
house—douche central. Elena’s compassion is her weakness, so hunting jerks may
make it easier for her. She picks out her first target—a guy who roofied a
girl’s drink. They head off into a dark corner and she feeds. Damon is never
more than a couple of steps away and he stops her when she almost goes too far
and she sends the man away. Elena’s a little drunk and rightfully so—the baby
vamp has been starving for days.
The party ramps up and
she’s smiling and laughing and dancing. Seriously, when was the last time we
really saw Elena happy? She’s never happy with Stefan—no because he’s always
moody and somber and chiding her for enjoying things.
It’s going great until
Bonnie walks in and gives Elena the “stare.”  Yes, how dare Elena find any joy in her
existence. She should be sad and miserable like Bonnie and Stefan—because they
made stupid choices and are now reaping the consequences. Elena’s mistake was
being born a doppelganger—yes, she should suffer for it.
Speaking of Bonnie—way to
go outing yourself to ANOTHER COMPLETE STRANGER. Woman, do you never learn? And
as we find out later the hot Professor is the man that sent Connor to Mystic
Falls in the first place. 
She Is Just Like Me
In the end, Damon was
right. Elena is just like him and the reason he isn’t a ripper is because he’s
learned to revel in what he is. He can feed and not kill—because he chooses not
to—because he doesn’t hate himself. Elena’s still struggling and Stefan just
feeds that self-loathing. Yes Stefan, Elena will kill because she won’t learn
what she needs to while you continue to make her doubt and hate herself.
If anything this episode
illuminated to me exactly why Damon is better for Elena—he empowers her to
empower herself. He dares her to be better and stronger and more focused. Stefan
cripples her and makes her dependent and weak—just like him.
episode disappointed me. I’m tired of the constant brush strokes that paint
Damon “bad guy” and Stefan “good guy” because the writers
tell us that is so—it’s not what they are showing me.
did you think?


  1. Heather Long says:

    I think Stephan is a major douche and I'm kind of hoping that when Klaus backstabs him, he's using a good, dull stake.

  2. Pam Stewart says:

    I'm so glad you wrote this post! I've been dying to complain about TVD for days. I'm so very tired of the Damon bashing. How long can Elena constantly tease him, use him and hurt him before we tune out? Seeing her rush into Stephen's arms made me physically ill. Must stop watching this show!
    What am I saying, as long as Damon is on, I'm watching. I just hope the writers do understand the anti-hero can be the greatest hero of all.

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