Bonus Scene: Flummadiddled, a Freddie bonus scene from Dirty Devil
Congratulations on reaching 500+ reviews on Dirty Devil so fecking fast! It’s legit become one of the most breakout books in terms of pre-orders, page reads, reviews, and more. The Freddie love is delightful! So thank you so much! If you have NOT read Dirty Devil, this scene will contain spoilers.
or less commonly flum·a·did·dle \ ¦fləmə¦didᵊl \ or flum·did·dle \ -m¦- \ or flum·mer·did·dle \ -mə(r)¦- \ or flum·my·did·dle \ -mē¦- \ or fum·a·did·dle \ ¦fəmə¦- \
inflected form(s): plural -s
1: something foolish or worthless : nonsense, trash
2: bauble, frill
Hitting the counselor had been really fucking therapeutic. My knuckles stung a little, but I’d barely broken any skin. Lamer than the therapy session, had been his glass fucking jaw. One solid pop and he went down like a popped balloon.
Kind of made me wish the guys had been here for this. Liam and Vaughn would have appreciated the art. Jasper would have rolled his eyes, but fuck knew, he’d have approved. They’d only been trying to teach me to use my fists rather than a knife for a decade.
To be perfectly fair, if I’d had my knife, the guy would not be waking up. He hadn’t pissed me off that bad.
At least not yet.
Then the orderlies tackled me and a nurse jabbed that needle into my leg. I hadn’t intended to thrash and fight, but that part had just happened. Kicked her in the face.
Got one of the orderlies in the balls.
Yep. Not finding an ounce of regret for that shit.
Still, I floated all the way back to my room, they kept pumping me full of the good stuff. Some part of my brain was all, not the plan, man. Not the plan. I told you to not get dead.
I flipped that part off. It sounded way too much like Jasper growling at me. Not that his growls scared me. Clearly. The dude was my biggest fucking supporter and I still had no goddamn idea why.
A sob tore through the silence and all the air backed up in my lungs. That sound killed me and I tried to sit up. The spirit was willing but the body fucked right off.
The good stuff.
Okay, I’d wait. The high would come down eventually and the shakes would start. Then I’d be able to open my eyes. Hopefully I didn’t piss myself in the meanwhile. Why the Hell had I gone there? Now I really needed to pee.
Okay, my boy, I told myself. Get up.
Yeah. That was effective.
Get. The. Fuck. Up.
I must have fallen asleep cause Jasper was just there. He glared at me with those slate gray eyes that made me think of the skies right before a hella-bad thunderstorm hit. Those used to scare me too.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
“Dude, you’re not even here. Don’t start shit with me. I can’t even win-win the argument cause you’re not here.”
Right. “You’re a dream or a hallucination or just like a drug trip…wait, my drug trips are usually not you scowling in disapproval. This is more like the crash.”
Jasper sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. He hadn’t been taking as good a care of his beard. Someone should tell him to clip it. Cause currently it was all curly and shit. Kind of reminded me of bad pube hair.
“Why are you laughing?” he asked and I didn’t tell him. I mean, he wasn’t here. He wouldn’t know. But I would. If I told him here then saw him later, I’d never stop laughing.
Nope, better to not say anything.
A nurse walked right through Jasper and she gave me a scowl. Oh, her.
God she was such a bitch.
“You suck,” I told her.
“You wish,” she commented in return. “Now shut up,” she continued without slowing as she jabbed me again. “You’re irritating me.”
I did it! I lifted my hand and flipped her off. “Good. Cause you’re a bitch!”
But she wasn’t there anymore.
Had she been there?
“Focus,” Kellan said, from where he leaned against the wall. “You’re spiraling.”
“You never sit with me,” I argued.
“You never remember that I’m there,” he replied in a thoroughly calm tone. “Jasper never leaves, but we all come and stay when you need us.”
Yeah. I don’t need anyone.
Not that I gave voice to that. What a fucking lie. “Boo-Boo is here.”
But Kellan didn’t respond, I glanced over at the wall and he wasn’t there. I scanned the room and no one was here. Well, wasn’t that special.
Oh wait, my eyes were open. Yes!
I fell right off the bed as I managed to turn over. The world swayed beautifully. Oh, yeah, this was the best part. No pain. No sweats. No shakes. No fear.
Gotta pee though.
I made it to the bathroom, somehow, pretty sure it didn’t take near as long as I thought it did.
The piss was like a ten out of ten where relief was concerned. Almost orgasmic. Like—fucking best piss ever.
I even hit the bowl, from where I stood leaning at the wall.
Ha. That was the secret to fighting with the knife.
Mine was killer.
Sometimes, I cracked myself up.
Or maybe, I was just cracked?
When I wandered back to my bed, the nurse was there. Ugh.
I’d much rather see Boo-Boo. Naked. Dressed. Smiling. Or just there.
Yeah, I wanted to see Boo-Boo, not this bitch.
She gave me a look, and I just started laughing at her. The bitch. Not Boo-Boo. I didn’t want to see her naked. I missed my pretty pussy girl.
Missed her way too much and if I kept thinking about it, I’d start blubbering again.
“Let me guess,” I slurred. “I take the pills or I get the needle again?”
Well, it wasn’t a no.
I held out a hand. “Pills, please.” See, Jasper? I even remembered my manners.
Without a word, the woman passed me the little paper cup and I dry swallowed the damn things then stuck out my tongue so she could see.
One nod and she left.
“You’re welcome!” I called after her. “It’s usually polite to say thank you when someone cooperates!”
Sadly, I didn’t catch whatever she said in response. It would have been worth it.
I gave it another five minutes, then dragged myself back to the bathroom to pee. It took a couple of coughs, but I managed to get the damn things out of my throat as I emptied my bladder again.
Damn, how bad did I have to pee? Or how long had I been waiting to pee?
Humming, I wandered back to the bed and fell on it. I wasn’t getting out of here today.
So, I just had to wait.
Wait and be flummadiddled.
That word cracked me up.
I’d read it somewhere and it was like the best word.
I had to remember to tell Boo-Boo.
We could be flummadiddled together.