Some Like it Secret

Excerpt

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Stomach clenching, she pivoted on her heels. His back was to her, but maybe the answer she needed was right in front of her. “Terry? You’re not married, right?”

His shoulders stiffened at the question, and he spun slowly to give her a guarded look. “No, why?”

“Would you like to stay for dinner? We’ve shared dinner before, but usually you eating in one corner while I work in the other. How about I make dinner then we sit down and talk?” She was babbling. She hated to babble.

The corners of his mouth turned downward. “I’m not sure it’s the best idea, Meredith.” She thought he would say more, but he went silent instead.

“Maybe not, but we’re friends, right? Friends can have dinner.” Please don’t make me sit in this house by myself. I don’t want to cry myself to sleep, and I desperately need the distraction. It would sound an awful lot like begging to voice the words, so she clenched her hands, digging nails into her palms. “If you have plans, ignore me. I’ve had a bad day.”

He sighed, and shook his head slowly. “I don’t have any plans, and I would love to have dinner with you.”

“Fantastic.” Shifting her attention back to the coffee pot, she glanced at her empty counters and grimaced. Figuring out what to have for dinner might be a problem…

“Want me to call and order something?”

She glanced over her shoulder. Terry eyed the empty counters with a skeptical look. “Actually, I know I have stuff here to fix. How do you feel about Italian?” Diverting to the pantry, she pulled out spaghetti and two jars of sauce. She’d hoarded it for a cold night like this one.

“Love it. I’ll give you a hand…” He’d stripped off his suit jacket and begun rolling up his sleeves when his cell phone rang. Meredith nodded and went to get meat from the freezer. If she put it in water, it would defrost soon enough. Desperate for a distraction, she continued to pull out the pans she’d need and then went in search of the loaf of French bread she vaguely recalled buying a couple of days before.

Terry’s voice was merely a murmur in the background until she heard, “Yes, sir. I’m with her now.”

Meredith jerked around and banged her head against the door. The resounding crack actually made her see spots for a moment, and the half-formed headache of the day ballooned.

“Are you all right?” Terry lowered the phone and crossed to her as she rubbed her head.

“I’m fine.”

“What’s wrong?” Sebastian’s voice echoed from the cell phone and Meredith’s heart dropped.

“Let me see,” Terry instructed before he ran his fingers over her scalp. She winced as he found the tender spot. “Go sit down, I’ll get some ice.”

“O’Connor.” Clipped demand rang in Sebastian’s tone, but it was a lower, more urgent note underneath it that compelled her.

“Don’t yell at him, Sebastian. I banged my head. Give him a moment.”

Terry pointed her toward a chair then he went to her freezer and pulled out ice. After filling a bag, he carried it over and pressed it to the side of her head before putting his phone back to his ear. “Miss Blake is fine, sir. She struck her head on the door and we’re icing it.” He went silent for a long moment and glanced down at her. She read the question in his eyes and shook her head. No, she did not want to talk to Sebastian. How many ways could she say it? “No, sir. I’m afraid I can’t.”

After another long pause, she could hear Sebastian’s accent grow more pronounced even if she couldn’t make out the content of his statements. English was a second or maybe a third language for him, and he slipped when he was well and truly angry.

“I understand, sir. But in this instance, my first and only goal is to see to Miss Blake’s safety. I cannot and will not force her.” Meredith blinked at the steel lacing Terry’s words. “You are certainly welcome to do so, sir. I can provide you with several excellent recommendations.”

No longer content to sit by while Bastian took his temper out on Terry, Meredith straightened. Her head pounded, but she didn’t know how much was due to striking it on the door or Bastian’s anger on the phone. “For what?”

“His Highness wants recommendations for personal security, Meredith. If you’ll give me a few moments, I can help you with dinner.” His expression softened, and his smile turned amused. For the barest moment, she glimpsed mischief in his normally serious eyes and Meredith’s jaw dropped.

Terry was tweaking Sebastian quite squarely on the nose.

Oh dear God. She stood and set the ice down. “Terry…”

“It’s quite all right. I have the numbers here, Your Highness.” Amusement continued to widen his mouth, and Meredith scrubbed a palm against her face. Terry seemed to be enjoying the situation, but the plummeting sensation in her stomach worsened. Ending things with Sebastian shouldn’t include hurting him. She wanted a clean break, not a painful one.

“I’ll speak to him, Terry.” The words slipped out before she could stop them and he paused.

“A moment, Your Highness.” He depressed a button on the screen and she realized he’d muted the call. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“He’s firing you.”

“He’s entitled to do what he wants. It’s not about you, it’s about him asking me to perform tasks not outlined by my position. If you want to talk to him, I’ll hand you the phone, but I don’t want you to feel like you’re being forced to speak to him.”

Beyond the oddness of discussing her romantic contretemps with the man, it took it too far to put him in the midst of it. “I’m sorry,” she murmured to him. “You shouldn’t have to choose a side or be put in the middle.”

“I don’t mind,” he told her with a level, serious look. “You tell me what you want and I’ll make it happen.”

She wanted to have never felt like she and Bastian couldn’t work. She wanted for Bastian to have never been stabbed. Sometimes, she even wanted to have never met him. Unfortunately, time travel and magic were theories even mathematics couldn’t turn into reality.

Yet.

“I’ll talk to him.” She held out her hand.

He passed the phone to her and then touched gentle fingers to the lump on the side of her head. It was still tender. “Put the ice back on this. I’m going to go down and move my car to give you your privacy. Do you still want to have dinner?”

She hesitated. Her impulsive request wasn’t terrifically fair to him.

“It’s just food, Meredith.” He smiled, but the lightness in his tone did nothing to alleviate her guilt. “We can eat then I’ll make sure you’re secure before I head out.”

Grasping his gracious offer, she found the wherewithal to smile. “Thank you, Terry.”

“Of course, I’d do anything for you. Give him hell.” With those bolstering words, he descended the steps and she unmuted the phone.

“Bastian, don’t take your temper out on Terry…”

“I will do as I please with a man in my employ.” And wasn’t that a high-handed statement? “Why is he having dinner with you?”

“Can we not do this?” She pleaded with him.

“Meredith,” his voice gentled immediately, and he sighed. “Are you all right?”

She could lie, but she didn’t want to. Not anymore. “No, Bastian, I’m not all right. I haven’t been for a long time, and I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“Darling, you’re upset.”

“Yes, I’m upset. I’m unhappy and I’m tired of feeling like the dirty little secret kept in the closet. I just want it all over. I want—” Everything. You. But she swallowed the words and fought the tears in her eyes. “I need to not do this. Can you please understand?”

“I don’t understand.” He gritted his teeth, and the grinding echoed over the line. “Everything was fine and then you tell me you wish to end it. No warning, no complaints—merely over. I need to see you. I know we can work this out if you will simply talk to me.”

“Talking to you is the problem. We’ll end up in bed and we’ll make love and you’ll say everything the right way, but at the end of it? I’ll come back here, you’ll go back to your life and nothing will have changed. I don’t want to live my life on constant hold anymore. I can’t do it. Everything wasn’t fine and it hasn’t been. Let me go. Leave Terry alone. Go find some princess you can crown or some other mistress to make you happy. I don’t have it in me anymore.” Tears slid down her face and she wanted to curse. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t cry, but it hurt so damn much.

“Meredith, I don’t want any other woman. I‘ll send the plane for you. Come, meet me. We’ll talk. I promise not to make love to you until you’ve said everything you think I need to hear.” Bless him for the irritated condescension in his voice because it worked to dry up her tears.

“I can’t tell you how really generous of you the promise sounds.” She sniffed and swiped away her tears. “But I told you no. I realize it must be difficult for you, Your Highness, to be told no. You’ll forgive me for being crass, but I have tried to explain. You are refusing to understand. I will not be sent for. I will not be brought to you. The living for your beck and call part of my life is over.”

“Don’t. Hang. Up.” The order rang over the line and locked her fingers before she could depress the end call button. “Meredith, you can be angry at me. You can throw things at me, but I will not allow you to ignore me. Do you understand?”

“Allow me?” Pulling the phone away, she stared at the empty screen as if trying to read his face thousands of miles away. If it were her phone, she might very well have thrown it across the room. Putting it back to her ear, she blew out a breath and said, “I’m not one of your—” The click on the other end told her he wasn’t there anymore.

I’ll be damned. He’d hung up on her.

end of excerpt